Updated: Oct 4, 2021
“Where is the glass? Can you get it for me?” she asks me.
I just put the glass in the cabinet. It’s there but when she asks me for it, her every word feels like glass shards shooting into the back of my neck. Her voice thunders into my eardrum and erupts like a volcano in my brain.
Asking me to get the glass, let alone where it is feels like an insurmountable task. It’s as if I ask you to retrieve not a file, not a paper, not even a small note from boxes full of junk paper but rather I ask you to give me a blue post-it tab that is in one of these boxes. And get this: you have to give it to me now, right away because I must have the paper at this moment. That is what my brain feels like when I’m not well and I have to do the tiniest of a task. I suffer and the people around me are miserable too.
A simple task feels like trying to find a pebble in the debris of mountainous terrain, only you don’t use your eyes. You grind through the rocks, digging with your fingernails.
It’s not a pretty picture and spoiler alert: I don’t find the glass. Then who is really to blame? Sheer ignorance.
1) We have a MOOD disorder
The first reason bipolar people are moody doesn’t seem so “hidden” and dumb but it really is the number one reason bipolar people keep swinging.We have bipolar which is a MOOD Disorder hence we are gonna be moody. Being emotional swings is the very definition of having bipolar. The catch is that many don’t even know ourselves when a bipolar episode is coming on so we can understand if you don’t either.
2) Our brains are overloaded
We are moody because our brain is overloaded. We are trying to retrieve that little post-it tab from the piles of paper and we can’t find it because there is a junk storm in our head. There’s loads of scientific knowledge and research behind this. A simple Google search shows that but this post gives you an angle that’s often hidden: the people who experience the mood storm first hand.
3) We see things that are not there. Yeah…
We are moody because we’re having delusions and seeing things and hearing things that are not there. And because of that, we are going to be frustrated and downright scared.
When a bipolar person has an episode that could last for a few minutes they are not well to hours to days, they are not feeling well. What does “not feeling well” mean for a person with a mood disorder?
There are mental nails bolted in my boiling brain. So answering a simple “yes” or “no” question feels like an earthquake erupting inside me.
These “nails” are so hard to see because they are invisible to everyone except the one suffering. When your eyes and ears work perfectly well but all you see is everyone staring at you, shadows lurking behind each wall and shrills and shots only heard in a war, then those mental nails become very, very real.
Those nails are jackhammered in your brain continuously and constantly. Then some poor soul comes along, maybe a friend or a loved one, and asks you for a glass and poof! You chew their head off.
It’s no wonder why people with bipolar become aggressive. No, I cannot tell you the biology behind that or how likely is that or whether I’m stigmatizing people with MI (mental illness). I’m just giving you a peek into what it’s like to have mental nails bolted in your brain
I’m moody because I’m not well and I don’t know that I’m unwell and I don’t know how to tell you that.
However, having bipolar is not a ticket to be violent and aggressive. It is not a reason to hurt your loved ones or hated ones with abusive words. Yes, it happens but learn from it and get help.
Have you gone through a moody period? Do you have bipolar or do you know some who has bipolar? Comment below and let me know. And if you find these words helpful, please share this post with your friends and family and on your social media.