Exclusive Content

Oct 23, 2020
4 min

There are worms in my ear

Yes. Well, at least I feel there are worms in my ear. I also feel spiders crawling on my toes. I was lying down, for the third time, and what seemed like a real octopus but was only image jumped out at me and made me shake and squirm with fear and disgust. I think these are “neurosensory delusions.” I’m not even sure if that’s a real term but it definitely feels real to me, especially when I’m stressed. I started getting ready for bed around 9 pm. Now, it’s almost midnight an

8 views0 comments

Saba Malik

May 15, 2020
1 min

What does Bipolar Feel Like?

How easy is it for you to know the Bipolar symptoms? How can you know what mania is? Easy. Just do a Google search. But can a search engine or even a book tell you what mania actually feels like? Nope! And that’s why I made this short video to not explain but actually try to show what mania can be like. Check it out here on my Facebook page. What does mania feel like to YOU? Was this video helpful? If yes, do me a favor and share this with your family and friends. Thank you!

3 views0 comments

3 Hidden Reasons Why Bipolar People Are So “Moody”

Saba Malik

May 8, 2020
3 min

3 Hidden Reasons Why Bipolar People Are So “Moody”

“Where is the glass? Can you get it for me?” she asks me. I just put the glass in the cabinet. It’s there but when she asks me for it, her every word feels like glass shards shooting into the back of my neck. Her voice thunders into my eardrum and erupts like a volcano in my brain. Asking me to get the glass, let alone where it is feels like an insurmountable task. It’s as if I ask you to retrieve not a file, not a paper, not even a small note from boxes full of junk paper bu

29 views0 comments

Are You Making These Mistakes When Treating Mental Illness?

Saba Malik

Apr 3, 2020
4 min

Are You Making These Mistakes When Treating Mental Illness?

Verily, with every hardship comes much, much ease. (Quran 94:6) Fourteen years ago, I was bruised and blessed with bipolar. Hence, the best moments in my bipolar journey weren’t at the top when I reached a specific goal. The sense of achievement felt good for some time. But, I felt true pleasure along the treacherous journey, the supportive and ignorant people I’ve met and the lessons I’ve learned because of bipolar or in spite of having a mental illness. From those lessons,

2 views0 comments

Saba Malik

Feb 28, 2020
2 min

Are You Ashamed of Your Disorder?

Well, are you? Maybe you’re ashamed of your sibling or parent’s disorder? I have to admit that at one time, I was so ashamed of my mental illness that I totally blocked the idea for over two years. I thought I’m “so intelligent”, how can I have a mental illness? And there’s the rub. Many (including me at one time) think mental illness = stupid, crazy, pagal and retarded. Ayub alayhi salaam was severely tested with an illness for 7 years (some scholars say more). And he welcom

3 views0 comments

Saba Malik

Feb 21, 2020
3 min

I am Bipolar. Period. (part of ebook)

Sarah sits in the white cozy chair, staring at the intricate designs of her therapist’s oriental carpet. “Sarah, what would you like to have happen today?” asks Dr. Chamberlain. A thousand thoughts rush past her mind. She wants to spit them all out because they shriek like witches haunting her every second. But she doesn’t utter a single letter. Dr. Chamberlain speaks again, “Sarah, during our last appointment, you were feeling amazing. What happened during this past week?” “

4 views0 comments

My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 5

Saba Malik

Feb 19, 2020
3 min

My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 5

I just found this picture of five asparagus shoots and remembered that I actually bought some yesterday. They go bad so quickly, especially the tops which are actually the best part. And in a way, my “30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey” has passed it’s “best” part. Well, it depends on how you define best. When the hype dies, real work rises… It’s very easy to start something challenging in the beginning. It’s new. It’s fresh. If it’s something external and tangible, people c

0 views0 comments

My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 4

Saba Malik

Feb 14, 2020
2 min

My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 4

It’s been over a decade that I haven’t been able to fast. When I got bipolar, the Ramadans around that time were very tough. Before the disorder came on, the month of fasting became a “high” time. With each day of starvation, I would sleep less and less. I would eat less and still have so much energy. That quickly spiraled out of control. After getting bipolar, things didn’t change much. They actually got worse because I kept trying to fast and when it would make me sicker, I

1 view0 comments

What No One Tells You About Bipolar Hijabis

Saba Malik

Feb 14, 2020
3 min

What No One Tells You About Bipolar Hijabis

As if wearing the hijab wasn’t hard enough already, having bipolar and trying to stay modest gets even harder. There’s something no one knows about the silent struggle of bipolar hijabis. So why does having mental illness make it harder to keep the scarf on your head? It might have to do with issues of self-image, fear of discrimination, black clash, too much pressure and judgment from others. Or someone might just be wrestling with their faith and trying to understand what A

5 views1 comment

My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 3

Saba Malik

Feb 13, 2020
3 min

My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 3

Yesterday was day three of my intermittent fasting, well if you can call it that. Unlike these three neat balls of yarn, I’m starting to unravel. I know, already eh? And not the kind where the thread neatly unwinds only to become a beautiful sweater. I’m talking about a cat grabbing hold of the ball, throwing it up in the air, again and again until it is a tight mess. I could hardly eat yesterday. Almost everyone in the house is sick except me. So that means, I’m on caretaker

0 views0 comments

Saba Malik

Feb 12, 2020
2 min

My Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 2

Yesterday was day two of my intermittent fasting. It was hard at night because I got one of my favorite chocolates, Lindt Orange Intense. It’s got two things I love the most: chocolate and orange. But by the time I had a chance to sit down and enjoy it, it was past 9 pm. I was bummed but I put it away and will definitely eat it today lol. I made my eating window from 12 pm-9 pm. So I’m doing a 15:9 fast. I know someone people who jumped right into one meal a day. Others took

1 view0 comments

My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 1

Saba Malik

Feb 10, 2020
2 min

My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 1

This is a pretty hot “trend” right now but as many Muslims and people of other faith know, fasting has been around forever. Sadly, having bipolar makes it very hard for me to fast in Ramadan. With the timing of my meds and the ensuing mood swings, it’s very challenging to stay away from food and water. One of my long-term goals is to do actual fasting in Ramadan inshaAllah but until then, I can definitely start practicing. What attracted me to the intermittent fasting was odd

2 views0 comments

Saba Malik

Jan 10, 2020
3 min

And this is exactly why…

I started blogging because of nights like these. Having bipolar and then postpartum depression changed my life. And if I don’t get some good out of it, it’ll really drive me nuts. I don’t mean the “typical” insanity where you can go to a psych ward and come back out. I’m talking about that void, the abyss that mental illness can pull you in. Once it sucks you into its own world, their thoughts become you and you believe every single crap they say. Despair, darkness, frustrati

1 view0 comments

Saba Malik

Dec 20, 2019
3 min

Stupid, Lazy, Crazy and a “Retard”

I was under a lot of stress before I got bipolar. The symptoms were flaring up and I constantly felt the pressure of a monster I had no name for. Then, in an odd kind of way, I was relieved to learn that bipolar was behind all this boiling water I often found myself in. I thought the boiling pot was gone. But I was faced with another problem partly from myself and partly from others. I started to think I was stupid and crazy. I remember there were others who saw me the same w

2 views0 comments

Saba Malik

Dec 13, 2019
4 min

Liver and Other Weird Treatments

Many of us know the story of Hajar’s (peace be upon her) plight to find her baby some nourishment. She didn’t just calmly search for some water. She frantically ran between the two mountains or hills (I forgot what they were exactly) scanning for any sight of food for her wailing baby. In my head, this story was only theoretical but as I entered the mental illness advocacy field, this story became an experiential one. I remember a mother who was desperately searching for a cu

0 views0 comments