It hurts to write right now…

I’m not sure why. There are soooo many posts sitting in the draft box but I never hit publish because I think they are not done yet. I still have this to add and that. I know they will never be perfect but I still keep chasing the perfection.

With Covid, I feel utterly depleted. I’m physically fine alhumdulillah but mentally I’m not sure. I have a hard time writing about:

Fear

Anxiety

Uncertainty

Panic

Guilt

Gratitude

Helplessness

Sad

Overwhelmed

Alone

Tired

Despair

“Tight” (can that be a feeling?)

Dark

Just breathe….

Take it one day at a time, one post at time, a chore at a time, one zoom call at a time.

This is part of Allah’s plan and it is ok for me to not have a clue as to what is going on because I’m not in control. I’m not in charge of my affairs. And oddly that is very relieving. That’s why Alhumdulillah I have this du’a up on my wall:

يَا حَيُّ يَا قَـيُّومُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيثُ أَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ ، وَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ

“Ya Ḥayyu ya Qayyūm, by Your Mercy I seek help, rectify for me all of my affairs and do not leave me to depend on myself, even for the blink of an eye.” (Source: Hakim)

#covid #dua #hope #blinkofaneye #Allah