That Dark Stormy Cloud
It never really goes away, at least not for me. I'm in a depression episode currently. It feels suffocating. Every step I take feels like I'm pulling the weight of a mountain.
I have high anxiety also and things are still not settled in my life.
My creativity and energy is at an all time low. I spent a month in the psych ward and I feel utterly depleted physically, emotionally and psychologically but spiritually, I hope not.
Allah Builds Me Back Up
The overarching feeling I have right now is: broken. I feel like I've been shred into a million pieces. I exaggerate not. It's a feeling that's all encompassing. And at the same time, there's a part of me that says I must go on, no matter how difficult things are. I must not give into the temptation of self-loathing and self-pity. These feelings seem like the natural reaction but they lead to an unnatural state of ingratitude.
Self-doubt is at an all time high. Even writing these words to you is hard because the voice in me keeps telling me I have nothing worthwhile to say. I feel broken right now but not for long.
Dealing with a Loss
I'm dealing with another loss that took a long time to achieve. Then it was taken away suddenly in the blink of an eye. That's the nature of this life. Things can change so quickly and are volatile like a tropical storm. But I have to remember that one day I'm going to leave everything behind. On the Day of Judgement, I won't feel the loss of losing something in this dunya but of all the good actions I missed upon. That's the ultimate loss.
فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًۭا
So, surely with hardship comes ease. Surely with ˹that˺ hardship comes ˹more˺ ease. Surah Ash-Sharh (94:5-6)
Source: Quran.com