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< Back Episode 4 - Am I Enough? Am I Enough? How To Boost Self-Esteem By Turning To Allah | Mini Mental Aug 14, 2020 I’m Saba Malik, and this is a Mini Mental. I’m not enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not rich enough. I’m not thin enough, tall enough, I’m not worthy enough. I’m just not enough. Does that sound familiar? This kind of self talk…I’m sure it’s familiar to you because many of us think like that. And, frankly, you know, what? I’m done trying to prove to myself and others that I’m enough. You know, I tried those self affirmations, you’ve probably heard of that. So I found this one that said to repeat “I am enough” 400 times a day. So I tried it for a week, you know, just wanted to try something and see if it could actually change my thinking. Well, it did somewhat, but not really, not at the core. And I think here’s the problem. When I say “I’m enough,” my brain automatically goes into, “Well, what makes you think that? What’s your evidence?” And then I need evidence to back it up. And honestly, no matter how much stuff I gather, how much proof I have, I found there’s always someone who is more rich, more smart, more pretty, more fast, more this, more that. And then I heard this Ayah, which literally came as a “sign” to me. In Surah Az-Zumar, Ayah 36, Allah says, which translates to, “Is God not enough?” Bingo, hallelujah! I found my answer. I’ve been trying to be enough when Allah is enough for me. And knowing that gives me so much mental peace. Honestly, managing a mental illness is like a full-time job that no one sees. And we’re always trying to measure up to “normal” people but what does Allah want? When I start to make that shift, I stop the “perform, perfect and please” pattern that we can all fall into. Measure your worth, according to what Allah wants from you, not people. Make Allah the center of your gravity and orbit around Him, not people. There is only one God, Allah and pleasing Him and performing good actions for Him is way, way, way, way easier than trying to please others who are in their own struggles like you. So ask yourself better questions. Rather than asking, “am I enough?” Ask yourself: Are my actions enough for Allah? Am I praying enough? Am I giving enough? Am I helping enough? Am I being kind enough to myself? Trust me, you’re not broken. It’s not that you’re not enough. It’s the measuring stick that you’ve been using. That measuring stick is broken. Measure your worth according to your actions for Allah. Okay, that’s enough for me. See you in my next Mini Mental. Asaalaamu alaikum Previous Next

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Appearances Here are some of Saba Malik's past appearances. Click on the button below to book Saba for your next event. Book Peace of Mind Series: Coping with Bipolar Disorder Facilitator: Chelby Marie Daigle Keynote Speaker: Saba Malik Discussants: Dr. Helen Ward (Royal Ottawa Mental Health Centre, Clinical Director) Spoken Word Performances: Sarah Musa and Bassem Alghawaby Organizer: Peace of Mind Series: Muslims in Conversation about Mental Health Date: May 19, 2011 Place: Royal Ottawa Mental Health Centre, 1145 Carling Avenue Ottawa, Ontario K1Z 7K4 Facilitated Community Discussion on How to Challenge the Stigma Associated with Mental Illness in our Communities Speakers: Facilitated Community Discussion Organizer: Saba Malik and Peace of Mind Series (Chelby Diagle and Farhat Rehman) Date: October 8th, 2011 Place: Canadian Islamic Center, 241 Anselme Lavigne, D.D.O., Quebec, H9A 3H6, Canada Opening Minds - Muslim Mental Health Awareness Speaker: Saba Malik Organizer: McMaster University Muslim Student Association Date: March 19, 2012 Place: McMaster University, 1280 Main St W, Hamilton, Ontario, L8S 4L8, Canada Poster: See “Opening Minds” poster in “Saba Past Speaking Events” Folder When the HEART Speaks -Workshop | Art Exhibition | Dinner Speakers: Sr. Taimiyya Zubair - Al Huda INstitute Shaykh alaa elsayed - alkauthar institute Hafsa Khizer - founder Traumatic Stains project indy Megan wyatt - Founder wives of jannah / lifecoach KaniKa Aggarwal - Founder Habibi Halaqas Saba Malik - bipolar activist Dr. Arif Syed - Psychiatrist Organizer: A Project INDY, MSA and Mercy Mission Date: Nov 4, 2012 Place: ISNA ISlamic Center, 2200 S Sheridan Way, Mississauga, Ontario, L5J 2M4, Canada Muslim Mental Health Awareness Day Speakers: Saba Malik “Light at the End of the Ward” ​​Dr. Ad-Dab’bagh Union of Psychology and Islamic thought Organizer: Shifaa - Réseau des professionnels musulman de la santé (Muslim Health Professionals Network) Date: February 16, 2013 Place: Hôtel Ruby Foo's, 7655 Decarie Blvd, Montreal, Quebec, H4P 2H2, Canada

Show Notes Nov 20, 2021 Episode 28 - Mentally Fit Muslims Is Now A Registered Charity I really hate the F word, which is finance. I hate dealing with money. And I hate the financial aspect of running an organization. And I used to have two blogs before. One was MorningWind and then I started MuslimBipolar and both of them I had to stop. Read More Sep 20, 2021 Episode 26 - Dua for Fear A Muslim’s Guide to Conquering Fear Using A Powerful Dua Read More Aug 20, 2021 Episode 25 - Toxic Positivity and Spiritual Bypassing Dr. Farah Islam on the Truth about Spiritual Bypassing & Toxic Positivity Read More Jul 5, 2021 Episode 24 - Sleep with Insomnia How to Sleep When You Can’t Using Ayatul Kursi | Mini Mental Read More Aug 28, 2020 Episode 5 - Iram Bint Safia on Parenting Uncomplicated Irambintsafia on “Parenting Uncomplicated” and Simple Ways to Manage Stress Read More Aug 14, 2020 Episode 4 - Am I Enough? Am I Enough? How To Boost Self-Esteem By Turning To Allah | Mini Mental Read More Jul 31, 2020 Episode 3 - Asqarini Hasbi's Battle with Bipolar A Look Inside Asqarini Hasbi’s Battle with Bipolar Disorder Read More Jul 17, 2020 Episode 2 - Yasmin Mogahed on Depression Uplifting Words by Yasmin Mogahed When You Feel Depressed | Mini Mental Read More Jul 2, 2020 Episode 1 - Muslim Woman with Bipolar How to Deal with Bipolar Disorder as a Muslim Woman Read More

2016 Tour Dates Location Tickets Fri., June 20 The Academy, L.A Book It Thu., June 19 Bamboo, Santa Barbara Book It Sat., June 28 Cheers, Santa Cruz Book It Wed., July 6 The Roxy, San Francisco Book It

eBooks & Guides Sale Divine Depression - How to Manage Depression with Islam $29.99 Regular Price $26.99 Sale Price View Details Sale Blessed with Bipolar - The Muslim’s 3-Step Support Guide for Mastering Bipolar $19.99 Regular Price $17.99 Sale Price View Details

Mission To support Muslims with mental health challenges in a trauma-informed organization and reduce mental illness stigma by educating the Muslim community. Goals Educate the Muslim community about mental illnesses a trauma-Informed continuum of care Educate the Muslim community about spiritual and mental wellness using terms that promote trauma-awareness. Support through peer-to-peer sharing of other Muslim's lived experiences with mental health conditions and trauma Objectives and Programs Host and offer monthly trauma-informed education/support programs Publish 12 blog posts about various mental illnesses. Publish 6 mini episodes ("Mini Mental") about emotional intelligence, moral intelligence and mental wellness. Interview 6 Muslims with mental health challenges or illnesses by December 2022.

< Back Episode 2 - Yasmin Mogahed on Depression Uplifting Words by Yasmin Mogahed When You Feel Depressed | Mini Mental Jul 17, 2020 Asaalamu alaikum, I’m Saba Malik, host of the Mentally Fit Muslims podcast. And here is today’s Mini Mental. Today’s Mini Mental is a quote by Sister Yasmin Mogahed. She’s the author of “Reclaim your Heart” and this is one of my favorite quotes from her. “To all those suffering from sadness or depression, know that it isn’t your fault. It isn’t because you’re weak, it isn’t because you’re just not grateful enough. It isn’t because you’re just not religious enough. It isn’t because you don’t have enough faith. It isn’t because God is angry with you to all the well meaning people who tell you this, just smile and know deep in your heart that the tests of God come in different forms to different people. And know that by the help of God, every test can become a tool to get closer to him. And that verily with every hardship, and like all things of this world, this too shall pass.” That’s it for today. See you next time, Asaalamu alaikum. Previous Next

< Back Episode 25 - Toxic Positivity and Spiritual Bypassing Dr. Farah Islam on the Truth about Spiritual Bypassing & Toxic Positivity Aug 20, 2021 Dr. Farah Islam on Toxic Positivity and Mental Health Episode 25 Transcript: Saba Malik 0:00 Toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing. They might sound like two big terms, but they’re actually very common amongst people who have mental health challenges. Asalaamu alaikum and welcome to episode 25 of the MentallyFitMuslims podcast. I’m your host, Saba Malik. And I cannot believe that alhumdulillah it’s been over a year that I’ve been podcasting, and talking to you. Thank you so much for joining me and giving me your precious time. Check out my website MentallyFitMuslims.org because I’ve started adding transcriptions for the episodes I’ve done in the past. So if you really love reading, and you want to just read some of the juicy quotes, check out those show notes. Also, remember to check out my memoir, MorningWind https://mentallyfitmuslims.org/morningwind-memoir/. It’s a memoir of moods, madness and everything in between. It’s available on Apple podcast with a premium subscription. So today’s guest is Dr. Farah Islam. And I was reading her biography to my husband, and he said, she’s basically doing what you want to do. So I said, hey, why not have my future self. Farah Islam has a PhD. She’s a mental health advocate, educator, and researcher. She explores mental health and service access in Canada’s racialized and immigrant populations. Her research is oriented towards community work and breaking down the barriers of mental health stigma. She’s also a senior fellow in the data and psychospiritual department at Yaqeen Institute. I know it sounds really cool! She’s also taught courses in Muslim Mental Health at the University of Toronto, Islamic Online University and Islamic Institute of Toronto. She currently serves on the expert Advisory Committee for the Muslim omen’s shelter Nisa Homes. All right, I hope you enjoy my conversation with Dr. Farah Islam. Asalaamu alaikum Dr. Farah. Dr. Farah Islam 2:14 Wa alaikum asalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu sister Saba. I’m so excited to be here with you today! Saba Malik 2:20 I’m so happy to have you as well for that. It’s such an honor. I saw you online when Yaqeen Institute was doing a panel discussion, and it was on mental health. And when I saw you mentioned two terms, which was spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity, I could not believe I had heard someone talk about two things that I had been experiencing for the past 10 years. It was like, my mind was trying to grasp what this was because I was dealing with it but I didn’t know such a term existed. And when I saw you talk about it, I said, “Wow, there’s someone else who is feeling the same thing, who gets that.” I thought if Farah is feeling that and she can voice it, and she has that professional background or research background, then It exists. It’s not in my head, and I’m not making it. So that’s why I wanted to have you on, and I’m so thankful that you agreed to come on. So how are you doing? Dr. Farah Islam 3:25 Alhumdulillah, I’m so good. I mean, I love how you mentioned that as well. You know, it’s so wonderful when we actually get terms, or we put words to what we’ve experienced, that actually resonates with us. I feel these terms of toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing, they’ve only come about in the last couple of years. And it’s just so amazing to talk about now, especially now, within the context of our Muslim community, talking more about mental health and talking about mental health stigma. So I think it’s a fantastic opportunity, Alhumdulillah. Do we want to define them a little bit just for everyone tuning in? Saba Malik 4:04 Yeah, that would be a great place to start. I want to know how you define it and what your research background and professional background has taught you about these two terms. Dr. Farah Islam 4:14 Sure. Okay, inshaAllah. In terms of toxic positivity, that’s basically what we do when we’re going through a difficult time or hardship or we’re listening to a friend going through a difficult time and we explain it away, or we try to kind of coach them out of it. We say things like, “Keep your head up. It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna get through this” and we go into “coach” mode. We put all these positive, wonderful words to it, because we think that it’s going to help that person be more resilient, it’s going to get them through that difficulty but in reality, what we’re saying is that, “I’m uncomfortable with the pain that you’re going through, whatever dark time you’re facing, and I want to put on “pretty sticker onto it.” I want to put a happy face sticker onto it and I want to just move on because I’m uncomfortable. Of course, it sends a very difficult message to our poor friend who’s going through that. Then spiritual bypassing is the spiritual counterpart to toxic positivity, if you will. Maybe we’re not putting a happy face sticker on it, but we’re putting a spiritual sticker. “Oh, you’re going through a difficult time? Pray more. Have more sabe. Have patience. Go do this, go do that.” And, again, we’re not listening to the person going through the hardship or the pain. The thing is, we do it to ourselves too, right? I’m sure. Saba, you’ve been in situations where it’s such a difficult time, or you’re in complete despair, whatever it is, and you tell yourself, “Hey, I’m gonna get through this. I’m okay. It doesn’t matter. Just shove it away under a rug. You tell yourself not to focus on it.” Yeah, tell me Saba. When you’ve been in those situations, does it help you? Saba Malik 6:05 No, it doesn’t. It’s funny when you mentioned the smiley sticker because a lot of times when I see the bipolar word online, and you search for pictures of it, you know what it is? It’s a smiley face, and then a sad face. You got to be kidding me! If you think that’s what mental health challenges are, so black and white and you can just use a punctuation mark, to show such a nuance, such a complex disorder and other disorders, then that person does not know what is going on. That’s exactly what you’re saying. It’s just a very new thing, especially in the Muslim community, to have a meantal vocabulary. I think that is what really struck me when I was listening to you. Once I heard it, and I learned it, I’m on this path to define it and learn from you. It takes that blame away from you. You stop self blaming because you know that this term exists. That knowledge really brings relief. Dr. Farah Islam 7:29 I love how you mentioned that as well. Having the space to put words to what we’re experiencing is so important. We make those smiley face, sad face. We absolutely oversimplify things, constructs that are difficult and complicated and nuanced. Unfortunately that’s part of being human. When we see something that’s difficult for us to understand, or we fear it, or it’s too complicated, it’s too messy, we would rather gloss it over with a pretty happy face or make it pretty for ourselves, because it brings us that discomfort. So inshaAllah this mental health journey that all of us are on, being more woke to ourselves and being more woke to what we’re going through does require getting into that messy, nitty gritty, complicated, dark, turbulent stuff, and digging around in that mud, and trying to really understand, what are we really experiencing? SubhanAllah. Saba Malik 8:34 In your professional experience, what do you think makes someone avoid those difficult, uncomfortable emotions? What makes someone oversimplify things in their head, especially when it comes to their own experiences? Why does someone have a tendency to do that, or even as a group of people, as a family, seeing someone struggle with a mental health issue. Why does someone use that glossy sticker and just slaps it on them and says, “This is what it is. We figured out. It’s fixed.” Why do we have a tendency to do that? Dr. Farah Islam 9:08 It’s so true. It’s one of the most human of tendencies. As human beings, we would do anything to avoid pain and when we go through those dark times, whether it’s trauma in our in our families, or these dark periods of time, we would rather shove it away, put it into a closet, put it under the rug, and pretend that it didn’t happen. We think that is easier for us but of course, in the long run, that trauma, that darkness, those parts of us that still hurt us, will still continue to jab us from the inside. We haven’t really actually put it away because we haven’t processed it. That idea of having to process it, face our demons, face our darkness. It’s scary, it’s painful, and it’s understandable that as people, as individuals, as families, we try to run from it rather than to face it. Saba Malik 10:07 That’s true. It is difficult. One quote that really struck me is when you said, “Lean into the discomfort.” How can someone do that? Lean into the discomfort because it can be very scary. With COVID and recovering from it mentally, socially, psychologically, it is very scary to go down that path, especially if you’re alone. And you basically are alone in your head. How can a practicing Muslim, or someone who’s spiritual, increase their reliance on Allah? How can someone get away from that spiritual bypassing even to themselves? What are small, tangible little things that someone can say to themselves, little habits that they can put into action? How can they have a grasp on this spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity because it can be a very big thing, especially for someone who recently got anxiety, or depression. They might not know that they’re doing this to themselves and that brings them sadness. I find sadness is okay, but when it gets into despair, that is a very, very dangerous beast. As Muslims, part of our belief is having hope in Allah and despair is from the Shaytan. He wants us to despair. So how do we get a grasp on the sadness and not move towards that despair? What are things that you would recommend to somebody who’s experiencing depression or anxiety, especially in this COVID period we are coming out? Dr. Farah Islam 11:48 That’s beautifully stated. Let me also just say this: I’m not a therapist. I’m not a clinician. I’m coming from an education background, teaching people about mental health and stigma. One thing I always recommend is if you are going through a difficult time, or you are in despair, absolutely do reach out and seek help. We have amazing mental health services now and wonderful professionals. I’ve been doing this exercise myself and I do recommend it. We went through a really difficult dark time together. All of us did as a world. We went through COVID. We went through this idea of lockdown, and socially distancing ourselves, doing things that are completely unnatural to us as human beings. I think it is a very necessary and important exercise to look back on what was your COVID “resilience story?” What did this period of COVID and lockdown do to you? What were those dark periods? What were the highlights? Where did it take you? Where were your emotions? How was it with your family and your relationships? Explore it. Write about it and be honest with yourself. You want to get to the real honest emotions, really dig down deep to what you really felt. Was it fear? I think for a lot of us, it was this sort of fear of uncertainty and this fear of, “I don’t know what’s going to happen.” Sso when you’re able to sit with yourself and understand what your real deep fears are, you can begin inshaAllah to climb out of those fears, and to have that tawakul in Allah. However, it does require you to sit with those difficult feelings and emotions that you may have buried and put away. And for me, it has been a lot about writing to myself. I also started seeing a therapist. It is such an amazingly powerful and empowering journey. And I do recommend it. It was a dark time for us as a family. We went through some very difficult times and add COVID on top of all of that. So therapy was a very important way for me to really process. We judge our emotions. We think that these are good emotions: being positive, being resilient, being hopeful. And these are bad emotions: being angry, being in despair being. Yet the thing is as human beings we feel all these emotions and Allah subhana ta’ala gave us those emotions, so that we can tune in as messages to what we’re going through. Judging ourselves for having bad emotions means that what we’re going to end up bottling our “bad emotions” and trying as hard as we can to focus on the good. However you can’t do that. Let’s say you experienced a death in your family, or something diffcult like COVID, if you only try to tellyourself to just be happy, don’t worry but you are worried, you’re not tuning into what you’re experiencing. I find that the problem with toxic positivity is that we’re deceiving ourselves. We’re painting this beautiful picture, sunset, mountains, whatever we want to see. Yet, we are blinding and barring ourselves from the difficult reality that’s actually in front of us. It cripples us, because we don’t deal with the issues that are actually at hand. We can’t even see them. The whole idea of having rose colored glasses or having rose colored blinders is that the lens is opaque. You can’t even see through it. That’s absolutely not helpful. It doesn’t let you see what’s in front of you. So while we think we’re fostering resilience and strength because we are muscling our way through our tough times, we’re actually making ourselves less resilient because we’re not facing the actual darkness that we’re going through. So the exercise (your COVID resilience story) really is about digging to the root of what you’re experiencing. What is the real, honest raw emotion you’re feeling? Maybe it presents itself as anger. Maybe you’re angry because you lost your job due to COVID so sit with yourself, talk it out with someone you love, trust, whether that’s a therapist, a family member, a friend, or just yourself. Write it out, explore it. “Wait a minute. Let me think about what the root of this fear is. I’m scared of what it means for me to lose my job. Do I lose my identity? How am I going to take care of my family? What’s going to happen to my career?” And maybe at the bottom of it is just sadness that you lost that (job). Acknowledge what you’re experiencing. Feel it and don’t deny it or judge it. Do not to bury it or rationalize it away. I think that’s what we often do subhanAllah. Just be honest with yourself. Be raw and honest. Saba Malik 18:01 It’s funny when you talk about the rose colored glasses because I remember five years ago, I had written a blog post mentioning the sentence, “Leave me alone. And don’t mind me if I put on my rose colored glasses, because everything is great with bipolar. Nothing is wrong. Look at the positive.” I did that for a while but then I said I am lying to myself. This really sucks. It’s hard. How long am I going to denyand just show a happy face that I’ve got this? I’m strong, I’ve conquered bipolar. Then you realize I really haven’t. I’m still frail. I’m still human. I need a therapist. I’m glad that you just mentioned therapist as a regular thing. If someone is gaining weight or they’re not eating well, they start thinking, I need to eat better, maybe get a trainer, maybe go to the doctor. There’s no judgement. I think we need to think about therapy in the same sense. It’s a trainer for your mental health. The more we talk about it, it just normalizes it. Dr. Farah Islam 19:21 The name of your podcast is you, “Mentally Fit Muslims!” It’s about mental fitness. It’s a natural thing to take care of your heart, soul and mind. Saba Malik 19:33 It was funny when I was naming it. I thought, “What’s it about?” It’s about mental illness and people who have mental illnesses, so I’ll call it Mentally Ill Muslims. I don’t want the illness to be the focus though. There is even one psychiatrist he said, I don’t think we need to use the term “mental illness.” If anything, we can call it mental health issues, or just mental disorders. Mental illness is a big label. It’s a very heavy label. Once somebody falls into that, it starts to set the tone for their wellness and treatment. Define it as mental fitness or a mental. The vocabulary really plays a big role. About the COVID resilience story, I think of this podcast because it was born during the COVID time. Dr. Farah Islam 20:46 Oh, that’s amazing. Maybe you’ve been documenting your COVID resilience. Saba Malik 20:50 I think I have and I wasn’t really sure that’s what I was doing. Dr. Farah Islam 20:53 MashaAllah and this is something that got you through it and having conversations with wonderful people alhumdulillah. My COVID resilience story was going back and thinking about what it was like when we first learned we had to be in COVID. Under lockdown, what that meant, all the difficult emotions, the turmoil that it put me, my husband and my family through. I don’t know how it was for everybody but my husband and I approached this whole idea of lockdown and COVID very differently. He went busy, busy mode. He was trying very hard to put all these other elements in place. He was in work mode. For me, I went into this mode to protect our family, work on our relationships. I felt we were not on the same page. That destabilized a lot of our families to begin with. For many families, the gender roles became very magnified under COVID as well. There were all these pressure or stress points, and we were all put into turmoil in different ways. Saba Malik 22:11 It’s true. In the beginning I thought, I got time off. Everybody’s home. Let’s be super productive. I made schedules, timelines, put up calendars. I thought it would last three months: March, April, May. Come June, I should get this much work done so I have a really great summer. Yet, in June we were still in lockdown. I thought maybe fall, we can go apple picking because things will open but cases kept going up. Winter was the hardest. This year, in March. I’m realized I don’t know when this is gonna end. I realize not that the first year was the toxic positivity. Now I have to lean into the discomfort. I have to face this. The spiritual bypassing came crumbling down to. I had to have a real conversation with myself, Allah and the people around me. Just setting boundaries and having those uncomfortable conversations is a very difficult thing for me because stonewall. If I can’t deal with something, I just walk out. That is not a good strategy. In COVID, in lockdown, you cannot walk out. There’s no where to go. You’re stuck. Alhumdulillah. I want to be able to look back at this COVID time and not apply that happy or that sad label. I’m just so blessed that alhumdulillah you came into my life gave me your time and I was able to talk to you. Up till now, we talked about dealing with spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity. It’s going to take me some time to get used to these terms. Dr. Farah Islam 24:13 They’re a mouthful. Saba Malik 24:14 They are. However, it’s not as much of a mouthful as compared to what goes on in my head. The racing thoughts and everything else goes so fast. I especially want to teach it to the next generation. Let’s say you have a little child and they fall down. You say, “Oh, it’s okay. Everything’s fine. You’re fine. Don’t be sad. Don’t cry. Come on. Stop crying. You’re a big girl. You’re a big boy. Boys don’t cry.” Dr. Farah Islam 24:51 Yes. Exactly the things we say. Saba Malik 24:55 It’s taught from such an early point on because we haven’t made mental health and learning about it a priority. I hope inshaAllah, in the future, in our education system, we can have courses on mental health just like we have gym. Even me saying the word “mental” connotates somebody who’s “crazy.” “Oh, your mental. You’ve gone mental.” We need to change the way we see this term and reframe them. What do you think? Dr. Farah Islam 25:38 100%. So much of mental health stigma is rooted in our language because of our fears and misunderstandings. For many of us, mental health or mental health issues or illness is this great unknown. We don’t understand it. We start to use language that really doesn’t encompass the full sort of nuance of what a person goes through. Like you were saying, you’re trying so hard to show the positive side of being bipolar and how exhausting that became. Not being true to yourself means you’re not allowing yourself to show the full range of all the emotions and experiences of what it means to be a complicated, interesting, wonderful human being who also happens to live with bipolar disorder. You’re trying to deny the other parts of ourselves. It becomes very exhausting, subhanAllah. I loved you mentioned what we say to our children. “Don’t cry. Boys don’t cry. You’re okay.” When we do that to our kids, they usually cry even louder. They cry even harder. Or they freeze. You can see from their eyes they must be very scared, or in pain, but they don’t know how to express it to you. Of course, we want to build a healthy, beautiful home, where our children do come to us when they’re in pain. That does start with when they’re two years old, they’ve scraped their knee, and you’re able to, with compassion with empathy, get down to their level and say, “I see you got hurt. Are you okay? How are you feeling?” It’s being able to resonate with their experience and not explain it away because it’s uncomfortable or not convenient for us. Saba Malik 27:39 That’s starting to make sense. We started off by defining the terms, then we talked about it and gave some examples. Now I want to apply it and you can let me know whether I’m “doing spiritual bypassing” or not. Here’s the scenario. Let’s say your kid falls down. They scrape their knee, and you admit that it hurts. “I know it’s tough. I know you’re in pain.” What would you say that’s okay? I would point them back to Allah and say, “He’s the healer. He can fix this and He is perfect. We’re not. We get hurt.” Would you say that’s spiritual bypassing still? I want to be able to respond and let them know that there’s hope. I’m not trying to put a mental bandaid. I’m going to give them a physical bandaid. When you bring Allah in the picture and just mention His name so that someone thinks about Him when they don’t feel okay, is that spiritual bypassing? A child is not going to know the term spiritual bypassing, but they’re definitely going to feel it. So would you say mentioning Allah’s attributes is spiritual bypassing? What’s your opinion? Dr. Farah Islam 29:17 It’s complicated stuff. I love how you bring up examples. There’s no cookie cutter, perfect way that we could respond. It really depends actually on the receiver and the situation. If you feel that your child, or whoever you may be speaking to, would receive solace from those words, connecting them with Allah, reminding them Allah is the healer and if you think that would give them real solace to their pain, then alhumdulillah it’s the perfect and wonderful thing to say. If they’re not ready to receive that message, maybe not at that moment, maybe they’re bleeding, maybe you need to first stop the bleeding and get them to a more calm place, and then give them those words of hope, inshaAllah, then do that. It’s sort of a beautiful dance of back and forth and to understand where that person is at. I think a nice way with kids too is you kind of ask questions rather than make statements. We could say something like, “I see we’re in a kind of a difficult situation right now. So you’re a little in a little bit of trouble, you’re in pain. What kind of du’a do you think we can make to Allah so He can help us or something like that. So you’re also involving your child in that brainstorming. They’re part of the solution. They’re coming up with the solution themselves rather than us telling them. Saba Malik 30:39 I love that: asking them questions instead of stating stuff. That puts them in control, in charge of their experience. They define it. They come to the realization that I am feeling this. I think it makes them feel like they’re not being rushed into “recovery” even though as an adult it’s just a little cut. It gives them agency and power over their own experience. Dr. Farah Islam 31:10 When our children come to us asking for a band aid, they’re coming to us because they’re scared. They’re afraid but they also just want your comfort your love and your attention. Gettting them cute band-aids and just doing that for them. That’s exactly what we want to do as parents. Be that person they can come to in times of need in those times of distress, and we can help them inshaAllah. There’s that sort of fine balance of not resonating with their experience and not helping them at all. Then the other part of that is the helicopter parenting of always jumping in and trying to rescue them from pain but of course, as we know subhanAllah spotlight, life has pain and hardship. Those are some of our greatest teachers in life. I’m sure we can say that and understand. There is that very difficult juggle and balance of not trying to rescue them or trying to protect them too much and at the same time not feeding them too much. It’s a difficult dance subhanAllah as parents. Saba Malik 33:15 It is difficult. I think it’s important we make our life Allah-focused, have trust in Allah that He is the ultimate One who’s going to take care of everything. If my child or even a parent, a sibling, a friend is going through a really difficult time, I wish I could just jump in, fix everything, because then I wouldn’t have to experience and watch them lose it or spiral out of control. I wish I could do that but it’s that stepping back and trusting that what they’re going through, they can figure it out themselves. I just need to be there on the sideline supporting them, letting them know I’m present, I’m here for you and at the same time Allah is the ultimate One who’s here for you and who is present. Dr. Farah Islam 34:08 Alhumdulillah, all this toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing, I’ve been doing a lot of reading of Dr. Susan a David and Dr. Brene Brown. They’re the ones who often talk about these two very interesting concepts. They even did a podcast together so I’m sure you can check that out Saba. Saba Malik 34:32 I’ve heard of Brene Brown’s podcast and she has really great guests on. What I love about her is that she’s very real. She doesn’t hide that she has tough stuff going on, even though she’s done decades of research. I want to hear what Susan A. David because I don’t know about her. Dr. Farah Islam 34:57 David also often talks about toxic positivity. Reading both Dr. Susan A. David and Dr. Brene Brown talking about these two concepts, I think we initially will listen to these concepts and think, “There were these times in my life with this person, that person who maybe did this to me.” But I think the “Aha” moment for me when it’s a real learning experience is when I put that lens back onto myself. When have I spiritually bypassed others? Or where have I not really listened and tuned into someone’s pain? When have I told them, “Go pray it away. I don’t want to deal with this. Just be happy.” I am absolutely 100% guilty of it myself. I think that’s when the real learning opportunity came for me. When I was able to see that these are things I need to stop, see, or I need to tune in more to the pain of others, into what’s happening around me. Saba Malik 36:02 It’s like you’ve got that distance by focusing inward and saying, When did I do that same thing that I’m accusing someone else of? Once you put yourself in that situation, you say wait, I’ve done that many times. The other thing is that if we’ve done it to others, that means we’re very regularly, if not constantly, doing it to ourselves. Dr. Farah Islam 36:30 I was just thinking how all of us as human beings we react to the same situation, but we react to it differently. My sister and I, we were going through this difficult time in our family, and our reactions were in a way opposite. I was just crying a lot and she was more angry. And I know I did the whole toxic positivity. I did that to her as well saying I was not comfortable with her anger and her expressing that. That’s exactly what you’re saying Saba. What that means is that I’m not comfortable with my own anger. That’s also something I absolutely deny to myself. When I’m angry, I just pretend that it didn’t happen. I bottle it up and throw it away. I hide it because I’m not comfortable with that anger. It was a lot of leaning into that discomfort and thinking, “Wait a minute, I told my sister it’s not okay for her to be angry.” That’s horrible, right? Why did I do that! Saba Malik 37:37 Oh my God, I was just going to spiritual bypass and say, “You probably did great. You’re fine.” Wait, no, that’s toxic positivity and we just talked about it for the past 40 minutes. And it’s good that we’re talking about it because then you start to notice it. It’s kind of a backwards thing. First, you see it somewhere outside, then you talk to someone about it and then it starts to go and sink in. Once you do the work in your head, your brain mulls it over and then you start noticing it outside. It’s not so scary anymore to lean into those uncomfortable situations. What really helps is having this invisible wall or boundary. It’s not there to shut the person out or the uncomfortable situation. It’s just to give yourself some distance. You can think of it as you hovering above the situation and just watching it as an observer to see what’s going on. I find that really helps you look at it objectively. What do you think? Dr. Farah Islam 38:57 Yes, that’s also the concept in cognitive behavioral therapy. It’s having that space or that pause between your thoughts, feelings and behavior. I think that’s actually what you mentioned Saba. We all need that moment to pause, remember Allah, center ourselves and ground ourselves. Say Bismillah and then respond to whatever is in front of us. Saba Malik 39:21 I’m going to put in a plug for Salah, prayer five times a day, that is our pause. The whole day we’re going in a horizontal axis. We’re going this way, we’re getting that done and doing that errand. Then when it’s Salah time, you’re transported and pulled upwards. It’s the first time you’re looking on a vertical axis. For the first time you’re looking up and connecting yourself to Allah. That’s a great way to get that distance without shutting yourself out because you feel support Allah who created these emotions. He created sadness. He created anger. I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie inside out. Dr. Farah Islam 40:04 Yes lol. Saba Malik 40:06 I just learned it was made by psychologists and in there, the main character is Joy. All she wants to do is tell sadness, “This is a circle. You stay in there” because she seems to think that sadness doesn’t have a purpose. However, it does serve a purpose. It’s just another emotion. Then going back to what you were saying that don’t label emotions as good or bad. Just like food, don’t label it as good or bad but as healthy and less healthy. This food is going sustain me and this is going to bring me down. It’s looking at it in a better way. Dr. Farah Islam 40:48 That’s right, (looking at emotions) in a non-judgmental way. I love that too. It’s a paradigm shift of looking at our emotions just as messages. They are internal text messages or communication. They tell us what we’re going through. So, if we’re denying those messages, we are putting ourselves in more pain. We’re putting sadness into a square, a circle, or putting our anger into a box and telling ourselves that we’re not allowed to feel these emotions. We deny ourselves the full spectrum of the beauty of this life’s subhanAllah. Even our Prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam), one of his beautiful teachings is that the spiritual heart is as inconsistent as boiling water. Saba Malik 41:41 Hmm, I didn’t know that. Dr. Farah Islam 41:45 Our spiritual state is always changing. It’s a natural reality of human existence. Why are we denying ourselves by saying that, “No you always need to be positive. You always need to be this, this, this?” That’s so judgmental. That’s absolutely de nying what the reality actually is. Isn’t our deen true in that we acknowledge what the human heart, the spiritual state and emotions really are. Saba Malik 42:21 I love that. We acknowledge the tough part too. The heart does change. I agree with what you’re saying. It is beautiful. We need to look at our faith and see how balanced it is and apply that in every little aspect of our life, especially in the way we think. Is there anything else you wanted to add before we wrap up? It’s been a great conversation. I’m so grateful that you came on. Dr. Farah Islam 43:20 That was a wonderful wonderful session. I think we covered what I’d wanted to say on hum teeny net. One du’a I’ve been really reflecting on through COVID has meant a lot to me. We’ve gone through so much uncertainty and difficulty. I felt that the whole concept of Allah taking everything out of your hands or emptying your hands so that He can give you more, so much of COVID felt like that for me. I lost my job. I had all these difficult things happen in my family. I felt my hands became very empty subhanAllah. Then going into Ramadan with those empty hands made my du’a and connection with Allah subhana ta’ala so much more powerful and deeper than it ever had been. I really do encourage all of us to lean into that discomfort and dark times. Lean into the times where you feel empty, where you feel you don’t have anyone but Allah because that’s when you find Him. That is when you find Him in your life and in your heart. One du’a I found really powerful was: Arabic: اللَّهُمَّ آتِ نَفْسِي تَقْوَاهَا وَزَكِّهَا أَنْتَ خَيْرُ مَنْ زَكَّاهَا أَنْتَ وَلِيُّهَا وَمَوْلاَهَا Transliteration: “Allaahumma Aati nafsee taqwaahaa, wa zakkihaa, Anta khayru man zakkaahaa, Anta Waliyyuhaa wa Mawlaahaa.” Translation: “O Allaah! Grant my soul its dutifulness (taqwaa), and purify it, You are the One to purify it: You are its Guardian and its Lord.” (Muslim 2722) “Allaahumma Aati nafsee taqwaahaa.” Give my nafs, my soul, it’s taqwa. “Anta khayru man zakkaahaa.” You are The Greatest One. You are The One who purifies You are The Best of those who purify. “Anta Waliyyuhaa wa Mawlaahaa.” You are its protector. You are our Guardian. Allah is the Guardian, The Protector. He is The Mender of our hearts. He is Al-Jabbar, The Restorer. Focusing on that beautiful aspect of Allah (as The Restorer, The Protector, The Mender) when I felt so broken was so powerful for me this Ramadan. Saba Malik 45:35 JazakiAllahu Khairun for sharing that. Lean into the discomfort. Lean into those ugly emotions. Turn to Allah. Can you say the du’a one more time? I have not learned that one and would like to add it to my bucket or toolbox? Dr. Farah Islam 45:54 Arabic: اللَّهُمَّ آتِ نَفْسِي تَقْوَاهَا وَزَكِّهَا أَنْتَ خَيْرُ مَنْ زَكَّاهَا أَنْتَ وَلِيُّهَا وَمَوْلاَهَا Transliteration: “Allaahumma Aati nafsee taqwaahaa, wa zakkihaa, Anta khayru man zakkaahaa, Anta Waliyyuhaa wa Mawlaahaa.” Translation: “O Allaah! Grant my soul its dutifulness (taqwaa), and purify it, You are the One to purify it: You are its Guardian and its Lord.” (Muslim 2722) Saba Malik 46:03 Du’a is positive but it does not have spiritual bypassing. It’s facing those uncomfortable things with The Being Who created these emotions. Dr. Farah Islam 46:03 You are being honest about how you are in total need of Allah. There is no spiritual bypassing there. You are being honest with how much you need Him. You’re asking The Only One Who can actually give you. That is empowering. Saba Malik 46:33 You would think that going to Allah and saying, “I’m in total need. I need your help,” would weaken you. Yet, I find that takes the pressure off of you. You can relax. You can let your shoulders down and know that there’s Someone taking care of you ultimately. Dr. Farah Islam 46:50 That’s right. One of the reasons why so many of us go out into nature is because that’s where we feel connected with Allah subhanahu ta’ala. It’s such a spiritual boost for us. We have that feeling that we’re not in nature. The bugs are flying, the weather changes, the sun is here. We’re not in control and that is actually our fitrah. Our natural state is to honestly and deeply believe that it’s only Allah subhanahu ta’ala Who is in control of our lives. However, when we live in this sort of built environment, this space, this concrete box we all inhabit, we believe we are in control. We believe we’re the master of our destiny. We believe that I have this job, I make this money, I put this food on the table. However, we can disrupt that hubris and arrogance that comes from living the way we live in this artificial way.When we go out into nature, and remember, “Oh, wait a minute. I’m not in control. I don’t have control over my surroundings and environment. Who is in control? The only one who is in control is Allah. That gives us freedom. It’s take this burden off your shoulders and you can just relax. All we ever wanted is for our soul, our very primordial part of us to recognize the Lordship of Ruboobiyah (having the firm belief that Allah alone is the Lord and Owner of all things) of Allah. Know that only Allah is in control. That’s another exercise that I do often recommend. In those times we feel overwhelmed with uncertainty, difficulties or when we’re not being true to who we are, we feel exhausted. So go out into nature, really commune with this beautiful earth subhanAllah Allah has given us. Remind yourself of the real connection, the vertical connection, that you’re mentioning, that you have wih Allah. I think this is also a very powerful way to get through a difficult time alhumdulillah. Saba Malik 49:09 I agree with that, especially the nature part. I do that so often. It’s a great way to lean into that discomfort because you realize that you’re not in control. You you feel at one because you’re part of that natural process. I just to recap the tips you gave. We just talked about: Taking a walk in nature Writing. You mentioned writing is really helpful for you. Therapy and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy In general, anyone who listening can use these and implement them right away in their life. These three tips are packaged with du’a and connecting with Allah. I’m going to do my best not to slap the spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity sticker on to COVID. Thank you again for your time and for coming. I hope to have you on again inshaAllah and have a great day. Dr. Farah Islam 50:15 You too. This was a beautiful conversation. You are an inspiration You are amazing and I’m so honored (mashaAllah). Saba Malik 50:26 It’s nice to be in similar company. Asalaamu alaikum Dr. Farah Islam 50:32 Wa alaikum asalaam wa rahmatullah. Saba Malik 50:34 That’s it for today. I hope you enjoyed the show. I hope you benefited and if you did, please share this with your family and friends. Remember to rate and review this podcast on Apple podcast. Check out my website www.MentallyFitMuslims.org and www.SabaMalik.com . You can sign up for my email list there so every time I post a new episode, you’re in the loop. Alright, see you in my next episode, As salaam alaikum Previous Next

< Back Episode 1 - Muslim Woman with Bipolar How to Deal with Bipolar Disorder as a Muslim Woman Jul 2, 2020 Asaalam alaikum, this is Saba Malik, and welcome to episode one of the Mentally Fit Muslims podcast. It all started in 2003. I was in college, and I was nearly done. But I went from getting 98% in calculus to barely passing linear algebra. I became so depressed. I used to love sitting in the math lab and listening to Shaykh Mishary recite Surah Mulk and doing integrals. Math was music to my ears. And it certainly showed on my report card. I also tutored English and I was active in social clubs around my school. Then, slowly this beast crept up. It was always there. I felt there was some monster inside me. My nickname as a kid was “jin.” Yep. I was always moody. But I just saw that as a part of me. And I always had anger issues. School, studying, books, library, that was my refuge. And I always carried a journal with me. I started journaling in grade eight when I was in high school, and anytime I felt alone, misunderstood, or scared, I just took to my pen. You know, it was the only place I felt I could control my thoughts. And in high school, I would see all my classmates, you know, chilling and talking. But I just didn’t feel like I fit in. And not just because I wore the hijab, but because I felt I had something, something growing inside me, something scary that I couldn’t even understand myself. I did many things that brought me very, very close to death. I don’t know where I got those ideas from, and why I actually went through with it. I felt like there was some monster inside me and it would take over. And when I would come out on the other side, I didn’t recognize who I was anymore. I would look at all the destruction I did, from broken plates and walls to broken relationships. And I just had no idea how I could “flip.” And of course, other people around me were just as baffled as I was. Only they would say, “You know, let her be. There’s, there’s something inside her or she’s crazy. Leave her alone. There’s a jin inside her.” And you know, it’s only recently that I’ve had the courage and even the stamina to tell my therapist about this “jin” label I got all my life. To the people who said it, it was funny, it was a way to explain something they couldn’t understand. But decades later, it still burns. So if words can burn, they can surely heal and that’s my hope for you. If you’re listening to this, if you’re feeling alone, if you’re feeling misunderstood, if you’re feeling like an outcast, if you feel like you’re being stoned with stigma, whether you’re depressed, bipolar, divorced, “fat and ugly.” Well, welcome, my friend, your home. And here’s my story. So back in 2003, I went from a high achiever to missing class and falling asleep in the tutoring lab. I just couldn’t keep up. My brain became muddled, and relationships became hard to maintain. I was full of rage and doing things like banging my head and ripping the drywall open. There was not a dragon but dragons and dogs and gargoyles raging in my head. They barked and barked and I was scared to death. So what did I do? I masked that fear with anger. And I just acted out. Pretty soon the down came and man what a fall it was. I couldn’t concentrate in school, I would sleep a lot. I didn’t want to see anyone. Life just became a drag. Then I started university. I got accepted into a very prestigious and very rigorous program. But at that time, I just couldn’t handle it. I chose an easier program. But it wasn’t about the school because even that easy program became difficult. It was about the jinn inside me and whether I went to Harvard or Phoenix University, it would always follow me because it still does. I would get up and get ready for school and instead of going to class I would just skip and end up falling asleep in the library. Everything weighed me down, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally. Then, all of a sudden in 2004, the sun rose bright and shiny. The depression lifted like an umbrella flying away with the storm. Everything was fresh. I could think clearly again, and things looked new. Spring was here. I felt on top of the world. I felt free and light… too free, too light. I went so high without any drugs. I just rose and rose. I felt like a leaf being carried by the wind. And at that time, I was taking a chemistry class. I had a midterm and it was so easy. I knew every answer, and I finished the exam in an instant. I don’t know how I came home, but when I did, I felt so calm and peaceful. I was reciting the Quran and I felt I could finally think clearly again. But this was the calm before the storm. Just as high as I rose, I fell. And man what a fall it was. I didn’t know it at the time but that was my first full-blown manic episode. I didn’t sleep or eat for seven days yet I had the energy of a horse. A Shaykh came to see me but that was a disaster. They thought I was possessed by a Jin. First I’ve been acting like a jinn all my life and now I’m possessed by one. What the heck is going on? Well, I ended up in the hospital and after weeks of hospitalization and a lot of tranquilizers, I finally felt somewhat normal. You know, there are certain things you clearly remember when you go through a madness like this. And this was certainly one of them. I remember asking the psychiatrists, you know what is going on? She said, Well, we’re not really sure. It seems like you had a lot of stress and pressure and you had a nervous breakdown. So here are some pills, take them and you’ll feel better. Okay, Doc. So I went home, I took the pills, you know, for the amount that she gave me, for the time she gave me. I got better. So I thought I don’t need them anymore. You know, I thought that chapter was closed. In 2006, I ended up back in the hospital with a whole manic episode and all that lovely stuff. Only this time it hit hard. And this time it was hard because it was public. And when you fall in public, guess what? Oh, do the vultures have a feast! And what a feast I became. That’s when I finally realized I had bipolar because I remember actually grabbing the notes from my doctor and actually looking at them and seeing that they had put bipolar in my file. But they never told me. Now I knew. Even to this date, that time in my life still haunts me. Decades of therapy, self-care, life coaching, working out, and eating well, cannot undo the damage of careless words. Words like, “Did you hear what happened to her?” Words can burn a scar so deep, you can’t even recognize yourself anymore. The stigma, the gossiping, the fake friends…it becomes worse than the mental illness itself. But my friends, if words can burn, they can surely heal. And that’s my hope for you. If you’re listening to this and you’re feeling alone, you’re feeling misunderstood, you’re feeling hurt, you’re feeling like an outcast, you’re stoned with stigma, whether from others or yourself, if you’re feeling depressed, you’re bipolar, or you got divorced or you lost a job if you feel you’re “fat and worthless”… welcome, my friend. Welcome home. And the next two years were the most difficult time for me. It’s all haze. Now there are cobwebs in my memory. There’s an emptiness because, in those years, I became more and more invisible. I just retreated from everyone and myself. I was put on a high dosage of meds. I took the doctor’s words and took every drug she gave me. I was desperate for any cure. And in the span of one month, I gained 60 pounds. I went from running and playing soccer and skipping rope to barely being able to get out of bed. Many psychiatric medications are chock full of side effects. And one of the deadliest ones that took me years to realize was weight gain. And if you’re taking Zyprexa, please please watch out. I was put on that and I had no clue about the side effects. In 2008, my older sister, my rock, the one I can still call at 2 am for help, took me to a seminar about mastering depression. It was an eight-hour drive, but she drove me. I remember sleeping in the bag while she drove. It was 3 am but she got me there. She got me to that seminar and everything changed from there. The lecture was by a Shaykh that I really admired. And he combined psychology and Islam really well. And subhanAllah there, I got one message imprinted in my brain and heart forever. The message was: If I commit suicide, I will go straight to hell. That’s what the teacher told me. I mean, I knew it from before, too. But this time, somehow, someway, it really, really stuck. That seminar gave me such a heightened sense of myself. And I learned I had so much power. I had a lot of mental power over this depression and bipolar. It wasn’t a life sentence. And there was actually a lot I could do to stay away from suicide. I could stay away from ending my own life. At this time, I also got a life coach and my life completely changed. That’s when I first started blogging, and that changed my outlook on bipolar. I found meaning in this beast. I realized that I had a mental illness for a reason. And that was to help and support other Muslims suffering from it. I went through hell and I made it on the other side, I made it out alive. And I must share this with others, with people like you who are still living through that hell. That became my life’s mission and still is. You know, the truth is, I still feel hurt. Bipolar and all the destruction, it still burns me today. And I have to do something with that powerful pain, that powerful energy. I have to channel it somewhere. So I come here. I turn that pain into words so you and I have a vocabulary for something that is almost incomprehensible. And it seems like I’m all about helping you but you also help me. When I sit here and record my story for you, hoping it makes you feel not alone, I don’t feel alone either. You’re actually the one helping me. You are lending me your ear. You are allowing me to enter your personal space and giving me your precious time. Just knowing that there’s a soul listening to my story on the other side, makes it feel real. It makes it feel real because it makes me feel it’s not all in my head. It wasn’t because I didn’t pray enough. It wasn’t because Allah was punishing me. It was a real pain, real, raw mental pain. And you listening to these words validates that pain. And I’m deeply grateful to you for that even if I have no clue who you are. I kept on blogging word by word. I documented my recovery. I documented my lesson from bipolar. And people started coming forward with their own stories, their own jinns, their own public stonings, and our words became our weapon. And just as words can cut and burn, they can surely heal. And that’s my hope for you. So if you’re listening to this, and you’re feeling stuck, and you’re feeling hopeless, and you feel like there’s no way out, you feel the misconceptions of your illness, your bipolar or depression, you feel them caving in, you feel them eating you alive, then welcome my friend, welcome home. So it was 2009 and even with a year of advocating and learning about my disorder, I still got another severe manic episode. This time it ended my teaching career just as I got started. I got sick on the job and I just couldn’t step back into the classroom. It was too traumatic. I looked for pity, for understanding, for help, but in all the wrong places. It wasn’t in the drugs, or the doctors or therapists. It wasn’t even in my family and friends. Each time I sought comfort in these things and these people, I just got sick and when I sought comfort in anything other than Allah, I would feel more pain. And I would just fall to my knees each time and when each time I fell to my knees I finally felt home. I was with Allah. And that’s why I love prophet Ayub alayhi asalaam’s story. You know, he lost everything. But he didn’t lose “it.” He didn’t lose hope. He still didn’t lose life because he had Allah. Even at his lowest when he was bedridden, and he couldn’t move he said Alhamdulillah. He said, thanks to Allah. So, bipolar was becoming less of an illness, and it slowly started becoming a blessing. And I ran with that. So at this time, I had a personal trainer. I was beginning to lose that Zyprexa weight, and I was working out regularly. And this really helped me keep bipolar under control. In September 2011, I completed my first half marathon. I found the love of my life. My mom said that I started walking at eight months when I was a baby while most kids are just learning how to crawl. I also started recalling vivid memories of running in my grandma’s fields on her farm. So running was freedom, it was freedom from my monstrous thoughts. Then, I finally got married. It wasn’t easy, especially when I would tell the guys who came that I had bipolar. Telling them about my illness became a really, really good filter. And I don’t say that in a bad way. Hey, if you can’t handle that crazy side of me, thanks for letting me know. At that point, having bipolar wasn’t a personal failing anymore. It was just like having another condition like diabetes or high blood pressure. And alhumdulillah, Allah finally sent me an angel, my hero, my rock, and my biggest supporter. He continues to be by my side and he really encourages me to continue my advocacy work. In November 2013, I completed my second half marathon. The same year I did a color run with my husband. Then I got pregnant and sick. After my daughter came, I had severe postpartum depression. I had severe manic and depressive episodes, and they required multiple and months of hospitalizations. My husband became my lifeline and May Allah protect him and bless his soul. You know, subhanAllah, Allah never gives you hardship without giving you so much ease along with it. It’s like the hardship is wrapped up in a present with so many blessings around it. My daughter and alhumdulillah, masha Allah turned out perfect, and she’s the perfect child in every way. The pain of having her was all worth it. Allah gives me life through my daughter because the suicidal storms still clash with me. But this time, they never stay because I’m not just saving myself. I’m saving myself for my Noor. She needs me and bipolar can never take me away from her. So getting married, having a career, having a baby, any big life change, you can think of, good or bad, can bring a manic, or a depression episode. In November 2015, I did my first 5k after giving birth. It was probably the most difficult run I did. But I’m glad I did it. Because shortly after that one, I had the deadliest suicidal attempt. nothing short of Allah saved me that day, my brain was gone, my body was gone, my everything was gone. But not Allah. I held on to him and he picked me up. It’s a time in my life that I can still recall vividly. And sometimes the memories scream at me again and again. And I have to see the lesson in it: That Allah is the One and only He can truly save me or take me. My life is really in my Creator’s hands. I’m happy I did that 5k right before this dark time because it became like a marker. And since that three-mile run, I’ve shaved off more than 20 minutes from my running time. In August 2016 I did an endurance 5k. I was probably one of the last people but I did it. I didn’t know it was an endurance run. And I saw my neighbor running with the breeze but alhumdulillah, I still finished and when I did, I fell to the ground and kissed it. It was like my Bolt moment, just my own moment. So that 5k was a good stepping stone into my first 10k run. In May 2017, I did my first 10k. It was definitely difficult because I had to drive to another city, run the six miles and then drive back the same day. I forgot to factor in that drive and it was brutal. A brutal run can burn. It’s real. It’s physical, the pain is raw. And you know, in an odd way, it’s invigorating. I moved away from self-harm and channeled my energy into running. As my feet thump on the pavement, I feel pain, but it’s a pain that brings joy. It brings healing. Of course, it’s endorphins too but there’s something spiritual and running, I find, you know, especially when the sun is just peeking through and I can see the morning dew and I can smell the earth, I just feel at home. Then words don’t burn so much anymore. Words become just words. In September 2017, I did a 6k trail run. It was a beautiful run. And if I could I would do it again. 2018 was a tough year and that reflected in me not doing any runs, or maybe not doing any runs actually made it a tough year. It wasn’t like a crazy, erratic, tough year, but it was just nothing much happened. So I deteriorated a lot. So what did I do in 2019? What else could I do? I did a 5k. I did a 10k. And I did a Spartan sprint. Yep. All in one year. Was I manic? No. I was actually sane during this whole time. So running keeps me sane. And there’s a whole support network behind that too. And this is my story so far. It’s so far because I’m still alive and my journey will only end when I’m one with the earth. Until then, bipolar is still with me. It still pains me. It still taunts me at night, it often haunts me. And it festers in my mind. Sometimes it pesters my daily routines. But with another word I write. I pray and I get up again. Words can most certainly burn. “Oh she’s just crazy. Yeah, man, she’s just psycho. Stay away from her. Don’t go around her. She’s messed up. She’s got something in the head. She’s just pagal. She’s a bad Muslim. She’s so moody. She’s just depressed.” Words burn but they also heal. So if you’re listening to this, and you’re feeling alone, like I once did, if you feel like no one gets you, if you feel hurt, if you feel alone, or you just feel different. If you can’t take the pressure if you just don’t fit in… Welcome my friend. Welcome home. We are the wild ones. We’re the crazy ones. We’re the “bad Muslims.” We’re the misfits. But mentally ill? We are not. We are fit. We are mentally fit because to survive the mental crap we go through, the mental storm we go through, we are forced to be resilient and strong. Anything less would have burned us to the ground. So what did I learn from my bipolar journey, my bipolar story so far? Number one: what is meant to hit you will hit you and there’s nothing you can do about it. Number two: a mental illness is a great filter to weed out the fake friends and the real good ones who truly, truly matter even if that means people in your own family. Number three: Allah is truly the only One with you. Number four: tests and trials never come alone. They are side by side like two trains. They are always wrapped in blessings. You just have to be willing to see it and open them. Relationships are everything. Your relationship with Allah, with yourself and your loved ones. I hope you enjoyed today’s show. See you next time. Asalaamu alaikum Previous Next

Contact For all inquiries contact support@mentallyfitmuslims.org ​ Mentally Fit Muslims 125 Rickey Blvd., Unit 151 Bear, Delaware 19701 First Name Last Name Email Phone Type your message here... Submit Message submitted. Please allow 24-48 hours for a response.

We need your support. Salaam, I'm Saba and I got bipolar a long time ago. Learning about the disorder was easy but getting support for it wasn't. I felt alone in my struggle and misunderstood. Sure the doctor, family and friends helped but no one really *understood* what I was going through. Then, I shared my mental health challenges through my first blog in 2008. That's when my life changed. Alhumdulillah so many different Muslims came forward and shared their own experiences. I didn't feel alone anymore and my healing started. There are a lot of Muslim organizations out there offering mental health services and education but an advocacy group for Muslims with mental illnesses is very uncommon. My hope with Mentally Fit Muslims is to have a peer-to-peer support system where people with depression, bipolar, anxiety, OCD and other disorders can meet others just like them. There is power in stories and hearing about your brother or sister's struggle makes you feel less alone. You know that you're not the only one that feels like this. And that can make all the difference. I'm living proof of that and so many other amazing souls I've met along the way. I've tried twice to start an advocacy organization and "failed" both times. Unfortunately, I didn't think about how I could sustain my work financially. So, I'm starting again, for the third time, and this time I've set up Mentally Fit Muslims as an official non-profit with 501(c)(3) status with the IRS. It's a big deal for me mashaAllah because it means that this organization can continue long after I leave this earth. This cause is bigger than you and I. You might be suffering right now and helping someone else in their struggle will ease your pain inshaAllah. I have no numbers to prove that (not yet) but it's kinda of an unsaid universal law I've found to be true in my experience. Abu Hurairah (RAA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “If anyone relieves a Muslim believer from one of the hardships of this worldly life, Allah will relieve him of one of the hardships of the Day of Resurrection. If anyone makes it easy for the one who is indebted to him (while finding it difficult to repay), Allah will make it easy for him in this worldly life and in the Hereafter, and if anyone conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah helps His slave as long as he helps his brother.” Related by Muslim. So please give generously to make sure I can keep raising awareness and giving a voice to the Muslims suffering silently. So far, I've been funding all my work through my own pocket and have volunteered all my time and I'll be honest, it's exhausting. A 20 min podcast episode takes me about a month to produce. I do it part-time as I raise my kids so it does take me long. I want to change that and hire more help so this work is not all on me. I made that mistake before with my last two blogs and I'm determined to learn this time inshaAllah. Some people also make fun of me that I start a project and then stop. I let them because with MFM I'm going to prove them wrong! And I need your help for that :) Read on for some info about our organization (currently it's just my husband and I) below. You can also see what expenses I have covered for MentallyFitMuslims.org this year and what future things I need help in sustaining. ​ Mentally Fit Muslims is a non-profit organization that advocates for the mental health of Muslims. We are looking for your support to sustain our work and continue advocating for those who need us most. ​ Our mission is to advocate for the mental health of Muslims, provide education on how to recognize signs of mental illness in oneself or others, and connect people with resources that can help them achieve their goals. We do this through podcast episodes, ebooks and videos. You can make all the difference in someone’s life by donating today! Your donation will go towards helping us continue and sustain our advocacy efforts so we can reach more Muslims who need us right now. Every little bit helps! Also, inshaAllah we will post MFM's budget and financial report soon so you can see exactly where your hard earned money is invested in. We need your patience and prayers. All donations are securely processed and handled by an independent third party (Donorbox). Click HERE to see our financial report.