It’s been over a decade that I haven’t been able to fast. When I got bipolar, the Ramadans around that time were very tough. Before the disorder came on, the month of fasting became a “high” time. With each day of starvation, I would sleep less and less. I would eat less and still have so much energy. That quickly spiraled out of control.
After getting bipolar, things didn’t change much. They actually got worse because I kept trying to fast and when it would make me sicker, I would just beat myself up.
“If only I could be stronger, I could complete my fast.” “My iman is low and I can’t keep up.” “I’m a bad Muslim.” “I just can’t control myself.” The self-loathing just went on and on. It’s only after all these years that I am accepting that having a mental disorder means I need to adjust my worship. Allah knows my situation. He is testing me and my Lord knows how much I can handle. So when I started looking into this intermittent thing, it felt like a sigh of relief. Maybe this is a way for people with mental illnesses to slowly ease into a regular Ramadan fast. Allah knows.
So the day four of my intermittent fasting journey turned out pretty good. I think today was a lot easier because I moved my eating window to later on in the day. Slowly, slowly I’m mimicking the actual Ramadan fasts that I hope to do one day.
Alright, tomorrow is day five! The upcoming challenges are to lighten up my eating and to start decreasing my eating window.
Read my previous intermittent fasting posts here:
My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 1 My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 2 My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 3 My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 5 My 30 Day Intermittent Fasting Journey ~ Day 6