Mentally Fit Muslims is finally a nonprofit...yaay alhumdulillah. But meh... all the paperwork (though it's not even a lot) has suck some of the joy and passion out of blogging and just podcasting. I guess I am a content creator now? I see that term being thrown around and I do want to aspire to something higher like nonprofit founder or writer or even podcaster.
What catchy, trendy titles do you use on social media?
But does the label even matter? I don't know but in Allah's sight, I don't think so. People around me think I'm morbid for thinking or talking about death all the time. But I don't see it that way. You see, suicidal thoughts are just around the corner for me. If I don't take care of myself, (and I've been called selfish for taking care of myself too much but when I don't and sick, others have to jump in and pick up the slack so my "self-care" actually ensures others are taken care of ) it's very easy to fall into depression.
Looking at the bigger picture...
It turns out that I have very little to write about when I'm not venting or talking about myself. Yet, I must try...for you. For the one person who is having mental health challenges but doesn't know what to do. For the one person who feels alone and is drowned by the invisible mental storms. I used to write a lot of poetry. I even did some spoken word in cafes and gatherings. I felt so alive then. So unfiltered yet composed. Writing is immersive like that. I'm also an English teacher but haven't stepped in a classroom for over a decade.
I was just watching a new show "Abbott Elementary" and it just took me back. I do love teaching. It's in my soul. I just know, after experience, that the stress level of a classroom is just not me. I have tutored a lot but this, here talking to you is where I shine. I shine in the sense that I feel alive.
Anyways, this blog post is a letting go. A letting go of how fluid my content was before and then the structure of a nonprofit came in and now as I find a balance between the passion and the work. I recently had another baby and I had to ignore this baby, my blog and podcast, for a while. But as my baby gets older and sits and walks, my hands are more free. So I wrote this for you...I hope it resonates and I doubt it'll solve any of your problems but I hope it makes you feel connected even with someone you can't see or hear but someone who definitely feels your pain. I wonder if I'm an empath?!
Go Back Home
It screams
It shrills
It cries
But never dies
It screams
It shrills
It cries
But won't die
Living in "betweens"
Highs and lows
Jumps and blows
This is not it
This can't be it
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