She loves him like the morning dew loves the lush grass. They have a remarkable son together. Despite being torn apart by hatred between their families, the two lovers manage to unite once more. But when death comes to him the union could be no more. Her family would sway and soften but not the Angel of Death. How did she endure the death of her darling? How did she live without the one she followed to the Ethiopian desert? How did she sleep knowing the love she wept for under the Arabian, sweltering sun was now below the ground?
Very simple actually.
Umm Salama (radhi Allahu unha) is an intelligent women. When her husband dies, the Prophet sallahu alayhi wasalaam consoles her and she holds his advice like a smart driver holds her steering wheel on highway of hardships. The Prophet sallahu alayhi wasalaam instructs her to say:
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiun. Allahumma ajirni fi musibati, wa akhlif li khayran minha
To Allah we belong, and to Him will we return – O Allah, reward me for my affliction and replace it for me with that which is better.
Umm Salamah keeps repeating this dear du’a, with faith as firm as a tight fist. She doesn’t deny her condition for she does ask “who could be a better husband than Abu Salamah?” So what happens to Umm Salamah? Lets return to her later as we look at …
The Deathly Divorce
If you’ve parted from your ex, you probably asked “How will I ever get over this deathly divorce? How will I ever get ‘that which is better’?” You’re not alone.
Divorce is especially high amongst Muslims with a mental illness. If you have two friends, statistics predict one is likely to have a divorce. But if you have 10 friends with mental illness (you’d be a very strong friend), then 9 of your friends are likely to get a divorce. The rate jumps from a staggering 50% to a distressing 90%*.
The Delicious Du’a Delivers!
And even when you start making this dua, you might think when will ‘the better’ in my du’a come? But many people are was too busy thinking to take notice of the better and good things that had already come.
A du’a delivers when you deliver. Meaning, make du’a and get to work! Allah is responsible for the results. Your job is to do the work and seek the better. You must acknowledge the good you have now and work towards making the better happen.
This du’a, like others, is not a one-time saying. Quite the opposite. Say it now, put it on your mirror, put it in your heart and start believing and reciting it.
If the divorce happened, it was all for the better because Allah always does every single thing for the best. No Ms. Yeahbuts only…
Diamonds from Divorce
There are many diamonds in aftermath of a divorce. What are you doing to dig them?
Here’s two ways to start digging for diamonds now: Memorize this du’a. Say it often, especially when bitter divorce thoughts scream in your mind. This du’a directs your mind to focus on the good that is and in sha Allah will come out of the divorce. The positive thinking is built into this du’a!
Now make a list of ten rewards you enjoyed because of your divorce. I’m not saying to jump for joy in la la land. No doubt, there is a lot of pain in a breakup. But with the pain, there is much gain. What have you gained?
Share your answers here and help others benefit. This tiny exercise will not make you get over your divorce or hardship. But it is a quick way to start chipping away at the emotional tension around a breakup. And as the anger and hurt starts to dissipate, it’s much easier to move forward.
Look for the good that comes because of your breakup. Use the du’a as inspiration and find something or someone better to replace your loss. Even if that means changing careers or moving or picking up a new hobby. Just replace the depressing void with something that makes you happy.
Oh and guess who Umm Salamah married? Our beloved Messenger sallahu alayhi wasalaam. Talk about ‘that which is better’!
What have you learned from your divorce? What have you learned from your hardships?
*If you are having sand storms in your relationship right now, do your best to keep the relationship together unless there is abuse. This post is meant to help people who already have a divorce and are still drowning in its drama.